lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
