I hate all girls vehemently.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
