dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
