I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
