do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
4 words: hood of his car
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
