Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
