$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
