They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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