someone threw a dead crab at me
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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