the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
