Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
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