It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
zippers are such a cool invention
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
