I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
the raccoons are back...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
