pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
This is the high leading the old right now
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
