I think im going to throw up on grandma
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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