oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
