the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
