How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
