Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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