hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
