So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
