i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
