I'm lost and stupid without you.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
