isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
