Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
