i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
