i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
