guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
