My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
