i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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