but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
