I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Your cock deserves a montage
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
