RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
