saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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