If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
