there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
