____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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