I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
