I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
