Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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