okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We need to get me chipped asap
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
