i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
