So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
