if you like me you must not know who I am
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
