Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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