a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
