oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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