i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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