i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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