Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
